The Hulk vs Spiderman...what are you going to choose ?

                    So, honestly, I have been pretty good at coasting along with this whole cancer thing.  It's mostly been pretty easy to just not think about.  Since the surgery, Lenny has been recovering nicely.  Although he can't lift anything over 10 pounds, he has been busy working on Christmas light stuff, which is pretty normal for this time of year.  Every once in a while, something will happen and all the sudden I'll think, "My husband has cancer.  CANCER! Are you fucking KIDDING ME?!?!?!?"  But, then, I'll get control again, reminding myself that it is 98% curable, a silent cheer of "I say 'Good', you say 'Cancer'! GOOD! CANCER! GOOD! CANCER!".  That moment is fleeting.  I'm back to normal day to day insanity I call daily life.  On days where there are oncologist appointments, though, it's not so easy to pretend that things are normal.  Days like this I get what I have dubbed "Cancer belly" and I am promising to not school you on what THAT entails.  I love you, but you are already a little in the TMI area with this cancer type, I'm not bringing you in further.
                   When you have an appointment with a radiation oncologist, it's a bit freaky.  Although, it started off on a high note since the first thing I saw when I walked in was a friend on television, which is always a fun thing.  Weird thing, since I only really know his "off screen" identity, but it was actually nice to see a friend there.  You see tons of cancer pamphlets, that's enough to make you run screaming, but alas the closest place I know is Central Market and even after all these years, I can't afford to shop there, so I guess I could hide in the café or go through the place on a sampling binge, but no, I stay put.  Run on sentence for the win!  You get called back and you watch a video that has some of the worse music and that's a true twilight zone experience.  I'm watching a video on getting radiation.  My husband is sitting in a chair that he dubbed the most uncomfortable chair anyone that has testicular cancer would ever have to sit in and we are watching a video.  And there's no popcorn.  WTF.  We had a nice discussion with the radiation oncologist (perhaps I should make cancer bingo cards to go with my blog -- oh or a drinking game!).  Lenny would have to have 10 days of treatment.  Get the laser.  No, he wouldn't turn into the hulk.  Bumming.  The biggest risk here is that he has lots of moley moley moley moley moles on his back, so we would have to have a dermatologist map those, then keep a close eye on them so he doesn't get skin cancer.  Scary.  Sounds like a good thing.  No huge long term effects.  Scares on the fact that chemo can have long term effects on the heart and cardio vascular system.  We go ahead and schedule appointments.
                  The next day, L meets with his sleep doctor.  This he can do all by himself since he does it every quarter anyway to get his mega drug prescription.  The stay awake drug, no not coke or metha amphetamines.   It's Provigil.  It really does nothing but make you feel awake.  It's an awareness drug that L had to take every day so that he can actually feel awake.  He asks the doctor, so what do you recommend for a narcoleptic with apnea, radiation or chemo?  The doctor has never been posed such a question and is at a loss.  Aren't we all.  He doubles the prescription in case things get bad.    That's a good thing since, albeit I'm pretty strong for my size, I wouldn't be able to haul Lenny to the bedroom.  Even after radiation since apparently that doesn't make you the Hulk.  Still bummer there.
                 Next up is our appointment with the medical oncologist (shot).  Although, I just call him the chemo guy.  Because I can.  Chemo is not what it used to be, apparently.  When you have testicular cancer (shot), you are luckily (again with the yeah! good cancer) able to use a particular new drug that is MUCH milder than other chemo drugs.  It is only used for this particular type of cancer.  If he had anything else, he would have to use the chemo drug that everyone thinks about.  Lose your hair, very tired, get sick.  This particular drug that I can't recall the name of which is too bad since that means you don't get that next shot, is fairly mild.  No long term cardiovascular effects.  He only needs two rounds.  But, if the first one makes him feel too bad, he doesn't even need to take the second round.  Because, get this, the "official" recommendation is one OR two rounds.  REALLY?? Don't get too specific there, cancer important people.  So, the doctor said many of the people that have had to use this chemo gets the drug on Friday, wiped out for the weekend, back to work on Monday.  He even treated a gentleman who NEVER TOLD ANYONE HE HAD CANCER.  He went through the treatment and surgery, not missing a beat.  Another bonus, is this gets all areas of the body that the cancer could have traveled, included his remaining unremarkable right nut.  This is not the case in radiation, as it would have to be covered with a metal nut holder, although I don't think that's the actual name, just its job.
                    We chose chemo.  aka spiderman, though I am pretty sure L won't be climbing any walls after the treatment, though I might be. :D  The first treatment is on October 24th. Cancel the radiologist (shot) appointment, we are going CHEMO! We then wait three weeks, for the next round assuming the first one goes well.  Scheduling is done around W's American Ninja Warrior party.  His only request was that Daddy is at his party, so that's going to be what happens. 
                   I do want to reach out to everyone reading this, though, especially ones that have sons or their own balls.  Please, it is never too early to be talking about balls.  This time, I am actually serious.  The only time anyone really dies from this cancer is when they do NOTHING about it.  Mostly, that is in younger men.  They are embarrassed or afraid, or don't want to talk about it.  No one should ever die from this cancer.  Mom and Dads! talk to your sons about checking their balls, I am not even kidding!
I will be embarrassing and annoying my kids with the question of "Do your balls feel normal? Go check them" due to the fact this can be genetic.  Please, talk about balls.  Ladies, check your husbands' balls!!!!  Husbands, please send notes of thank you and flowers to my home address.  In the shower, it takes a second.  Please, I'm begging you, know your balls.  If L had not caught this when he did, things could be much, much worse.  Love em and check em.  It'll be a BALL...see what I did there.

If this was American Ninja Warrior, L would be half way to Mount Midoriyama....

           For all the American Ninja Warrior fans out there, I know you know what that means. 
                                       Stage 2
If this WAS American Ninja Warrior, L would have made it through that stage that always manages to somehow get the guys that should be a shoe in.  I'm talking to you, Brent Stefansson.  Letting your lady get all the glory.  What a gentleman.  So, Stage 2.  Could be worse.  Glad it's not.
He also has a couple of risk factors for spreading.  One is the size of the tumor that was removed.  The other is that vascular invasion is present.  I told him that sounds like a movie that MST 3000 would have covered.  And it would have been hilarious.  Two risk factors.  We should have known, as L is such a rebel.  Man has never taken an illegal drug in his life and has had only a few beers.  Though it was probably a risk breeding with me. :D
His kind is pure Seminoma.  I looked at him and said you don't even like Florida State.  :)
This is the kind that you want.  So woohoo for Seminoma!!
See, you learn so much being my friends.  I gave you all sorts of google worthy cancer science words that you can learn so at the next party you can sound even smarter than you already are.  You do know I only hang out with smart people. <3
          When they tell you that you have cancer, what they really should say is, you have what will be the biggest test in patience.  I thought waiting 9 months to hold your baby would have helped how I dealt with having to wait, but, shit, I did that twice and I am ILL PREPARED for all this god DAMN WAITING!!!
There is something wrong in what we are seeing in the sonogram, it looks bad, but you need to wait until tomorrow to talk about it.  We think you have cancer, you are going to need to wait a week and have surgery.  We took your remarkable left nut, but you are going to need to WAIT ANOTHER WEEK before we can tell you what stage.  We tell you, STAGE 2, but you are going to have to wait ANOTHER FUCKING WEEK to talk to the radiologist about your treatment plan, but that is okay, because you have to WAIT SOME MORE before you can start any treatment plan until your body heals from surgery.  WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT.  I remember, even when I was little, waiting was tough, especially at Christmas time, when all those gifts sat under the tree.  At least that was a good wait, this is a suck ass one.
          The craziest thing is that now I have this news, I am feeling so much better.  My husband was diagnosed with Stage 2 cancer, yet I feel relief.  Yes, I know, I'm crazy, but if you are reading this, you are well aware of that fact all ready.  Maybe now it's because we see our foe, we recognize his weakness, and we know how he can be defeated!  Now that we know where L stands, we can take a plan of action (everyone knows how I LOVE those) and we can take steps to rid this from L so that we can move on to the next crazy thing that slaps us in the face (more termite damage I know is on the horizon)!  We have been told that there are three options.  Let me break them down for you.
1. Surveillance.  I personally think this one sounds kind of awesome.  I can see some healthy cells sitting in a car, on their CELL phone (see what I did there), taking photos of the cancer cells, making sure they don't start wandering around the body.  But, really, it just means monthly blood work, scans, and other test for a long time, then spreading them out to quarter, half year, year, etc.
2.  Radiation.   This is pretty much what it sounds like.  Except it's not a flight to Chernobyl.  L's concern with this one is the fact that it comes with a 4% cancer rate (the irony is ripe with that one) and due to his existing sleep issues, could cause him to be almost bedridden, though we have no idea since we have to WAIT A WEEK to talk to the radiation guy.
3.  Chemo.  No thanks.  While we are going to talk to the chemo guy, I believe this will be a total last resort and I think L would opt for 1 vs this one if it came down to it.

So, this still is a 98% survival rate.  No need to panic.  I learned the news, went out for some retail therapy, and am feeling MUCH better (until I pull out the receipt and realize the cash I dropped), but that's how retail therapy works, no?

We are still okay, in fact I do think we are a bit better now.  Now comes the dealing with work and figuring out schedules and time, etc.  Due to the long hours and stressful nature of L's job, I am really hoping he can get some time off to heal and then start the radiation.  You know which one I want L to choose.  I am hoping we can manage that so he can have the strength to fight this battle.

So, here we go, gearing up.  I'm donning my battle gear, though thinking my current uniform of a picture of balls with the left one x'ed out might not be the best thing to wear.  L is resting up, hanging out in the corner until the bell rings.  We are ready.  We will get through this.  Now, it's NO question.  The only question is time.  Fuck you, Waiting.  You suck.